Schizophreniansas

I have some people in my life who have been instrumental in helping me build my faith since I started my journey as a teenager learning the ropes of being in ministry. And they still are my mentors. Somehow, I can't help feeling dejected and disappointed with a few of them, not all of them. Thank God. These have gone before me; have treaded the path before me. We share the same journey. We share the same belief and faith. They have shown me the way. But somehow, not all of this is pretty impressive of them as I have just realised. Could it be that I have put them on a high pedestal, so flawless in my mind as such that when flaws begin to surface it can be quite unnerving and unacceptable according to the standards that they themselves have set ? I don't really know or understand anything these people do anymore.

A saviour to some. A destroyer to others. A hero to some. A villain to others. A medicine to some. A poison to others. A courageous person to some. A downright coward to others. A friend to some. An enemy to others. A Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. Manipulators who are the big players in this 'field'. What else can I say ?

I do not want to judge. I am afraid that I am in danger of doing so very soon. It is just that I feel rather misled. I feel hurt and discouraged. I sort of looked up to them. If given the chance I am so tempted to walk away from them right now if I could. The strange thing is, wherever I go, these people are unavoidable. I can't run away from them. Or am I running away from the reality that they are also the imperfect human beings? Am I making up excuses for them so that it is easier for me to accept their unexplainable or confusing actions ? Why do I still want to defend them ? Will I one day become like them ? Is that my secret hidden fear ? I do not want people to follow me. I do not wish people to emulate me.

But alas, being a Christian is ever so challenging. We are always called to respond in love. Love is a four-letter word that requires us to live out our faith and be a witness to others; in whatever situation we are in. Even when You, Lord, were crucified, You forgave Your persecutors..You said - "Father, forgive them; they know not what they do."

"But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also". Matthew 5:39

Lord, it is not easy sometimes when I am constantly being put in situations where I have to deal with them. I'd rather not meet them or see them or even talk to them. Their words destroys rather than build. But they are Your children too. And You love them. I will try to respond to them like how You would to them. Please help me. Amen.