RockerFish

Con Fu Sion

2012-01-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

I know we have been friends for a very long time. I have often thought what it would be like further on. To be in this state together with you for so long I have somewhat embraced your belief system. You are good at what you do. Truly. Too bad that I have chosen to go separate ways from you.

Sometimes it is quite amazing how mersmerising you can be. I suffered crazy consequences and endured emotional pains. Sometimes my mental state of mind is severely tested because you are really cunning and shrewd. Is that part of your system ?

Please stop hurting and bringing down people who matters to me. Please stop ruining their lives.

Stop causing CONFUSION and messing up people's lives.

Cruizin'

2012-01-26T18:07:00.000-08:00

For once, I think this is not so bad after all. It is a blessing in disguise. I find that I am more relaxed and happier lately. I feel more at peace.

I don't have to take any more crap from loonies and moodies. I don't have any more nightmares about them trying to make my life a misery and taking away my happiness.

I am indeed enjoying this break although I know that it will not last.

Sometimes I wonder what happens after this ?

To Use or Not To Use

2012-01-08T07:40:00.000-08:00

The evening after the op was done, it was kind of interesting. When I awoke, the first thought that came to mind was - the toilet. Now, how do I get to the toilet and back if I am not allowed to move after the op. ?

Even if I did want to move, my leg was asleep. It did not want to move. And it was epicly painful if I so much as force it to move for a wee bit.

That was when the stress came. I was told of the availability of the call bell and ... the bedpan!!! if I needed to use it.

No..there was no way I was goint to use the bedpan. No way. I didn't need to go toilet at that moment as I have been put on a NIL BY MOUTH so at least I don't have to worry about toilet visits.

The next day I was really stressed in the morning as I wasn't feeling very comfortable. The night before, the nurse on night duty came to take my blood-pressure and she remarked that it was high mostly due to the anaesthetic and op.

Towards the wee hours of the morning, it stayed the same and she asked me what was I thinking about as it is causing the blood-pressure to stay a bit high. And I told her that thinking of how to make it to the toilet and the thought of using the bedpan was stressing me out. I think the nurse thought I was being crazy. But it was the truth. I was truly stressed out at the thought of having to use the bedpan.

Close to lunch time, I really felt uncomfortable. After the morning visit by the doctor, he mentioned that I could move my leg if I wanted to. That was heavenly ... So I had to more or less manouvere and plead my way around the nurse for the use of the wheel chair. And to my delight, she obliged.

O TOILET !!! Magnificent and awesome toilet !!! Here I come...woo hooo...!!! That was the BEST feeling in the whole world..

8822

2012-01-08T05:47:00.000-08:00

As far as this goes, I did not expect to be warded. Until just before Christmas. Bone spurs were found at my knee joint. Okay. Being ignorant I just let the medical diagnosis wash over me. I just wanted to get it over and done with as I was quite excited about Christmas.

The bone spurs did a great job damaging my right knee joint. There were just too many of them. But my knee managed to be saved. Of course, by being saved, it meant that I had to give up a few things.

So I was kindly and gently told by the doctor that I had to give up playing badminton. What ???? There you go. Merry Christmas. No more playing badminton ??? Yes. For life. It is just like telling a pianist that he can't play music anymore. Depressing. I love playing badminton.

Of course, there are other things that I had to do to save my knee from further destruction - namely losing weight. I can see the triumphant smile across my mom's face as she heard the doctor's sermon. I am sure she was very happy with him. She has tried in vain to make me lose weight.

I have to avoid using the stairs from now on - as in climbing stairs...I can live with that, no problem at all.

Room 8822 - a very comfortable 4-day stay which I would recommend to people who might have life-altering lifestyle experiences.

Of course, make sure you are covered by insurance. Although the doctors are really good, the service excellent - sometimes the hospital policies are the exact opposite...

uh..to each his own..

and thanks to all who prayed for me..it really helped..God bless them !

How True

2011-10-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

The article below was written by Patrick Teoh , a sharp-witted butt-kicking true Malaysian and taken from his blog ' Niamah'....

This is so true. This is the childhood that most of us went through. survived it and still savouring it.

Thank you for summing it all up in this article.

To all those born in 1940's, 50's, 60's, and early 70's

First, we survived with mothers who had no maids. They cooked /cleaned while taking care of us at the same time. They took aspirin, candy floss, fizzy drinks, shaved ice with syrups and diabetes were rare. Salt added to Pepsi or Coke was remedy for fever.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

As children, we would ride with our parents on bicycles/ motorcycles for 2 or 3. Richer ones in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a private taxi was a special treat.

We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle. We would spend hours on the fields under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV ray which never seem to affect us. We went to the jungle to catch spiders without worries of Aedes mosquitoes.

With mere 5 pebbles (stones) would be an endless game. With a ball (tennis ball best) we boys would run like crazy for hours. We caught guppies in drains / canals and when it rained, we swam there. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually worried about being unhygienic.

We ate salty, very sweet & oily food, candies, bread and real butter and drank very sweet soft sweet coffee/ tea, ice kacang, but we weren't overweight because....... WE WERE OFTEN OUT PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, till street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. WE DID NOT HAVE HANDPHONE S TO BUG US. And we were O.K. AND WE WERE SAFE.

We would spend hours repairing our old bicycles and wooden scooters out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did no t have Playstations, X-boxes, Nintendo's, multiple channels on cable TV, DVD movies, no surround sound, no phones, no personal computers, no Internet. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and we still continued the stunts. We never had birthdays parties till we were 21 We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and just yelled for them!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! Yet this generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 40 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned.. HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And yet, there are those who still think that NASI LEMAK 2.0 is a hazardous, national security-threatening movie. I think it is really unfair of them to judge that movie in a negative light. They must understand what the story line is all about. Why ask cinemas to have it removed ? It is a piece of art in cinematic form. It is a story about Malaysia. It is a story about ordinary people who learn to live with each other's different beliefs and cultivating respect for each other. We learn to see people as persons, rather than the race or religion. I often forget that my Malay, Chinese, Indian, Eurasian friends are Malay, Chinese, Indian and Eurasian. I see them as persons, as friends. No race. But I am mindful of their religious beliefs.

So ..those who motioned the move on removing Nasi Lemak 2.0 from the cinemas..Don't they like to eat nasi lemak ? I love nasi lemak..for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner or even supper !!!

Note : To avoid any case of misunderstanding, the words in italics are my own expressed opinions. Not of Patrick Teoh's.

Trust

2011-09-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

Funny how we treat this word nowadays. Some treat it seriously. Some are really careless about it. Trust is such a deep and serious word. It has a very special meaning. I feel sometimes the word is misused.

Trust has to be earned. Sometimes I have to work hard to gain someone's trust. It is not easy to get someone to trust you. Sometimes you get burned for being so trusting as well.

Once the trust is abused, it is kind of difficult to trust the person again.

To trust is to take a risk. But if we don't take a risk, we would never know what trust means either. We won't be able to get to know someone better.

" It takes years to build up trust - and only seconds to destroy it. "

One Day

2011-08-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

Whatever it is, however hard it seem, whichever way I choose, whoever cares about it - this battle is my own and I know that no one can do it for me. This is one path I have to travel alone.

I know that one day it will eventually come to an end. But that day has not yet appeared on the horizon. The finishing line seem a long way away.

But I know WHO will be waiting for me when I cross the line...

Moving Out

2011-08-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

Wow. Shifting to another place. Another chapter begins. Am not sure if I am going to miss the old house that I grew up in for the past 42 years. There were just too many stuff to clear out. We started clearing out rubbish and personal stuff three months into the time we have to move out. I never realised that there was such a humongous load to dispose - 50 years' collection of stuff to dispose of, to be exact.

We made countless trips to the various recycle centres and garbage bin disposal containers till everyone started to notice us and even offered to help us dispose of the unwanted things.

Finally the day came when we had to move. There was no time to miss the house as there were some kind people (neighbours, actually) who were there at the crack of dawn helping us cere lear out the place. Soon the house was really empty. It looked really huge. My goodness! It was like a long bungalow !!! No wonder there were so many things to get rid of as they piled up through the years.

The house hold lots of different kinds of memories for me. Some sad, some happy. But it was a good and sturdy house. You can actually ride a bicycle in the house and roller skate from the front right to the back !!! When my grandparents were alive, they used it as a 'walking-track' for their evening walks when it rained. I remember - before the courtyard at the back portion of the house was covered up, it used to be my playground and water play area on Friday afternoons after school. The huge outdoor water tank used to be my little 'pool' and and also served as my 'fort'. I would load my water pistols which dad and grandpa bought for me and then shoot it from my 'fort' at those imaginary 'enemies'. So Fridays were noisy days because of me.

Best of all, living in that house, I have learnt to 'recognise' the different footsteps patterns of my other family members. The most dangerous is my dad's because his footsteps are almost soundless..only the treacherous wooden floors gave him away and his heavy latex slippers give some squeaks now and then. But I won't discover or hear it until it is too late sometimes because he knows how to be 'Tender-Foot' if he wants to check on me!!

I am now in a much smaller but cosy and comfortable place. It is much safer and the environment is good for me. And...I have my own bed and bedroom. I don't have to sleep on the couch in the living room anymore. Hooray...

At A Cost

2011-06-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

Wow. Sometimes we do things out of habit. Sometimes we do things upon reflex. Sometimes we do things out of good intentions. Sometimes by intuition. Sometimes we do things out of our concern for others. But what if these backfired at us ? We do the necessary to rectify if not clarify. But then again, it could make an impact everywhere else because of our actions. It could be positive impact or negative impact. Depends on the outlook and mindset of people around us.

Just today I received a 'pocketful of wordsworth' from a well-meaning friend of mine. Z is a mutual friend of both of us. After being informed of Z's situation, I asked for help from someone of Higher Authority to intervene on behalf of Z and apparently it caused quite an unexpected response from this friend of mine. The stand here is that I did not respect Z's privacy. But Z is someone whom I have a very high respect for and needed help. The least I can do is to look UP for help. I would never do anything to hurt Z. Oh well, the tide of misunderstanding always comes in between good intentions. When we look UP for help; the enemy don't like us.

After all that has happened, I conclude that although the unexpected reaction was unexpected, this friend of mine is truly a loyal and faithful friend of Z.

I understand where she is coming from and why she is not too happy. But I know that although I might have offended some quarters in doing what I did, although I might be in trouble for doing what I did, I did it with good intentions ; I was just heeding a call to stand in the gap for a dear friend.

Will all the troubles and trials stop me from standing in the gap for someone ? NO.

Kem Roh Kudus

2011-06-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

I did not dream or expect that one day God will open the door for me to get a taste of having the chance to minister with others who are involved in the Migrant Ministry. I always thought that being in the Migrant Ministry you have to be tough and fighter of justice and peace kind of person.

How God prepared me was interesting. One day I got a call from my family while I was at church saying that one of our neighbours was at a loss after discovering her hourly-paid maid crying. When she asked the maid what was the matter, the maid asked her if she could stay on and worked for my neighbour. Having heard cases of abuses by her employer, my neighbour ran to us for help. So we got help from the relevant church workers . After lots of adventures and dangerous risks taken , the maid was safely delivered back to her home country and everyone called it a day.

A month after that I was asked to represent my prayer group as none of them could make it for the first meeting which was supposed to be the start of the outreach programme for the migrant workers and that was how all of us got involved.

Firstly, the challenge was to speak and pray in our beloved mother tongue...or Bahasa Indon. It was kind of crazy as we, (I) are not used to praying in this language and we had ample time to brush up on our language but the worries were still at the back of our minds. As we have been taught to step out in faith, we just prayed and trusted in the Lord to take care of everything.

At Kampar, it was an experience to remember. We witnessed how the Father, Son and Holy Spirit worked together. We saw Father God releasing His love to His children..the migrant workers. The language barriers too were broken down. God used His preachers with such power and conviction that it broke down the walls of resistance. The people who were ministering had a steady flow of words to pray and console the participants. And for me, it was truly a unique and challenging outreach. Either we go and step out in faith or retreat in fear. And praise God we chose to step out in faith. Thank and praise God. He reached down to touch His children. All Glory to God !

Segala puji kepada Bapa, Anak dan Roh Kudus..yang dulu, sekarang dan selamanya, Amin !

No More

2011-01-20T05:38:00.001-08:00

Today YOU lose. YOU may think that YOU have the whole universe under YOUR spell. YOU have no idea when YOU are gonna fall. Because YOU are so far up YOUR own arse about YOURSELF and YOUR accomplishments. YOU know as well as I know that there will come a time when I will not be the scaredy cat YOU once perceived me to be. YOU thought well that I could never come up against YOU. Do not be deceived. Do not rest on YOUR laurels. Soon YOU and YOUR silly wiles and games will be exposed. I am not afraid of YOU anymore. YOU may be the most powerful entity yet, but YOU can't fool me any more. YOU may have struck me down more than once before and left me for dead. The Lord in His mercy lifted me up and He nursed me back till I was strong and on my feet again. The Word is constantly reminding me - Vengeance is never mine and will never be mine. Vengeance is the Lord's. Remember this, and remember this well: Whatever YOU do, YOU are accountable to Him alone. If YOU think that YOU are infallible so be it. YOU are best at what YOU do now; although what YOU do may not be right. This is YOUR time. Make the most of it. After all, every dog has its day...

Walk On And Don't Look Back

2010-12-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

2011 looms forward. In a few days it will be next year. So what are my lessons taught to me this year ? A few hard ones I had to learn but they have wisen up my adaptability skills for worse conditions come what may. Sometimes I wished learning lessons did not involve losing friends as well. Especially if we have been working together almost all our lives. That's the crux of every lesson learnt this year.

Psalms 55:12-14 says it with accurate reality.

"12 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. 13 But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, 14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."

So it is just better to Walk On and Don't Look Back. Walk On although I have to go it alone. Don't Look Back and leave the unnecessary baggage behind.

Have to admit that my loyalty towards friends or eventual foes is my weakness, not my strength. How sick can that be. No wonder. No retaliation from me myself I even when I was being bullied or extorted daily when I was studying in primary school.

I guess that was how I came to be really tough on bullies years on.

Schizophreniansas

2010-11-03T17:44:00.001-07:00

I have some people in my life who have been instrumental in helping me build my faith since I started my journey as a teenager learning the ropes of being in ministry. And they still are my mentors. Somehow, I can't help feeling dejected and disappointed with a few of them, not all of them. Thank God. These have gone before me; have treaded the path before me. We share the same journey. We share the same belief and faith. They have shown me the way. But somehow, not all of this is pretty impressive of them as I have just realised. Could it be that I have put them on a high pedestal, so flawless in my mind as such that when flaws begin to surface it can be quite unnerving and unacceptable according to the standards that they themselves have set ? I don't really know or understand anything these people do anymore.

A saviour to some. A destroyer to others. A hero to some. A villain to others. A medicine to some. A poison to others. A courageous person to some. A downright coward to others. A friend to some. An enemy to others. A Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. Manipulators who are the big players in this 'field'. What else can I say ?

I do not want to judge. I am afraid that I am in danger of doing so very soon. It is just that I feel rather misled. I feel hurt and discouraged. I sort of looked up to them. If given the chance I am so tempted to walk away from them right now if I could. The strange thing is, wherever I go, these people are unavoidable. I can't run away from them. Or am I running away from the reality that they are also the imperfect human beings? Am I making up excuses for them so that it is easier for me to accept their unexplainable or confusing actions ? Why do I still want to defend them ? Will I one day become like them ? Is that my secret hidden fear ? I do not want people to follow me. I do not wish people to emulate me.

But alas, being a Christian is ever so challenging. We are always called to respond in love. Love is a four-letter word that requires us to live out our faith and be a witness to others; in whatever situation we are in. Even when You, Lord, were crucified, You forgave Your persecutors..You said - "Father, forgive them; they know not what they do."

"But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also". Matthew 5:39

Lord, it is not easy sometimes when I am constantly being put in situations where I have to deal with them. I'd rather not meet them or see them or even talk to them. Their words destroys rather than build. But they are Your children too. And You love them. I will try to respond to them like how You would to them. Please help me. Amen.

Damper

2010-11-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

I guess this is kind of sensitive and I am eligible for time-out somewhere in Bukit Aman but what the heck, it is happening despite all efforts by dear Pak Jib to press on his concept of 1Malaysia but some people out there just put a damper on his ideal Malaysia !!!

Whenever there is a possibility of something good happening, be it anything or anyone or anywhere..guess there are always people who love doing the opposite to smite or sabotage but they do not realise that there is no winner here..and the best thing is they don't even care if they win or lose. They just want to create trouble.

ISAO 2010

2010-08-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

When this was officially announced, I must admit that I wasn't interested in wanting to know more about this. Then as we progressed, suddenly I was roped in to help out too as a musician. I must admit that it was kind of crazy spur of the moment that made me agree. The Night Rally was awesome and God was even more awesome-mer. This working together with other people too gave me a sense of 'bonding'. By the end of the rally practices, no one was a stranger anymore. I kind of like that. It was a good experience and also a good chance to work together. The Lord is Great and Greatly to be praised.

Even during the conference, it was interesting to see how other brethren from the neighbouring countries worship and praise God. Even after the Night Rally, many people were touched by what they experienced. Perhaps it is time for the Catholic Church to ARISE.

The only setback was my health chose the wrong time to cave in. I caught the dreaded flu and it almost made me withdrew from the conference.

Ah, before my very short memory forgets :

ISAO = ICCRIS South Asia Oceania
ICCRIS = International Catholic Charismatic Renewal Services

My Alma Mater ?!!!

2010-07-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I attended our high school reunion in KL. As I had not seen most of my school mates since 1986, the year I was in Form 5, I approached the day with mixed feelings.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to attend too as it was kind of a rushed thing for me; but I am glad as my former classmate contacted me via Facebook, I felt a rush of excitement as I found out that a group from Penang was going for the reunion do. So my friend arranged everything for all of us and she was going to pick us all up from Juru.

I can't believe that when the four of them came and we actually saw each other for the first time since 1986 - I hate to be emo, but a little bit of tears welled up in my eyes. How the years have flown. And I am actually seeing them NOW. Of course, it is so natural for girls (oops!) to do the natural when we greet each other. SCREEEEAM !!SCREAAAM !!!

Eventually we reached KL and of course, had lunch and had a walkabout at the Curve.

When dinner came, everyone was really delighted and there were more screaming greeting as we figured out who was next coming through the door. Amazing, some have physically 'evolved' and we had a crazy time trying to figure out their names at the beginning.

I had a really good time. The missing years were quickly filled with stories, stories and stories !!! So much so, that those who attended this year wanted to have confirmation for next year's reunion to be done in Penang !!!

One former school mate even cooked up a wonderful lunch for us before we left for Penang.I must really say that she is a very good cook. And she is so blessed to have a good husband and family and...a really huge...HOUSE. Whoa !!!!

So this is our Convent Light Street Motto : Simple in Virtue Steadfast in Duty

And this is our School Song which some of us can remember, (because they have daughters studying in Convent Light Street now)and some could only remember the first line (like me). This really about sums it all up :

Rally round the school in endeavour
Rally round the school in play
Trusting in the light of hope and love
That guides us all along the way

Rally round the school together
Ring out loud Lord's praises clear
Harken to the call let us one and all
Strive, strive, for King and Malaysia

In thought, word, deed and faith
Bring glory to the dear old school
So let us, so let us ...

Rally round the school in honour
Cherish at the school's good name
Marching forth in search of grace and truth
The shining youth of the Convent School

All in all, I had a very good time catching up with my school mates.

Long Awaited Vacation

2010-07-16T12:05:00.001-07:00

One of the best vacations I ever had. I had a lot of rest. The food was great. The company was really fantastic. Although the weather on the first day we arrived at Pulau Redang was rainy, it did not dampen my sense of happiness. The sun came up shortly and wow, it was just capital FUN after that. The journey there was an adventure. But I somehow managed to have a good sleep all the way. I pity my friend who was next to me as I was supposed to be talking to her but my sleepiness just couldn't be kept at bay.

I had a moment early one morning when it really threatened to spoil my holiday but I guess the glorious weather and again, the company of friends just about made the problem so insignificant that soon, I just forgot all about it.

One of the best moments was when a turtle swam just beneath me. In all my years of snorkelling, I only caught glimpses of turtles from a distance.
This time, it was really, really near and I felt that if I just reached out my hand I would have touched it. Being me, I'd rather stay motionless and just enjoy and savour the view while I can.

The KA-LI-TUI game was just fab. I haven't played it for over twenty five years and it brought back many memories of school. We used to play this game during our school days where the badminton courts became the 'arena' for this game. Although I had some muscle stiffness later in the night, the pain was worth it.

This island has indeed lots of good memories for me.

Sounds Like Me

2010-04-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

I say this "Sounds Like Me" as sometimes I really have my moments when I am just down pat. When I am too bogged down with work, some personal privy problem or even in ministry. I just lose touch or there is a sense of loss or a kind of restlessness in me and I don't know what to do. I sometimes would wonder where is God in this situation..How long is He going to take to handle this ? I realise that wow, sometimes the amount of trust I have in God is very little. So this song reflected what I felt and is still one of my 'in' songs...Anyways, PETRA is also one of my favourite Christian Rock Band.

I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU (based on Job 13:22)
by PETRA
Album : Unseen Power
Words and Music by : Bob Hartman

I've been away for a little while
And I don't like where it takes me
Out of touch I'm going out of my mind
It's times like these that really break me

So here I am all alone
I'm waiting on You
Just a word will get me through

(Chorus)
I need to hear from You
Before this night is through
I need to hear from You
So I'm waiting, waiting just to hear from you

My whole world is turning upside down
When I'm lacking in direction
I don't care if it takes all night
I need to feel Your sweet affection

So let me hear words of life
I'm lost without You
Speak to me the way You do

I've been here in this place before
And You're not the one to blame
I need to know what You have in store
So I'm on my knees callin out Your name

I need to hear from You
Deep inside my heart
I need to hear from You
Just a still small voice is gonna get me through

Of Tomfoolery and Dead Corals

2010-04-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

Pulau Redang is gonna be turned into a rich men's island of US$500 per night in terms of accommodation. What a stinking way of robbing local tourists of a very beautiful and relaxing holiday. For those like me who have been visiting Pulau Redang almost every year, it is a sad piece of news. Hopefully the voices that be are loud enough to echo the rakyat's sentiments. We love Pulau Redang. Raising the island's status to a 5-star holiday destination is not the answer to curb desolation of marine life. What do you mean back-packers do not have any consideration for preserving marine life ? What do you mean only those who can afford (the rich people) are more considerate than the back-packers ? We (the back-packers in this case) sometimes have to clean up after them !!!

I have a lot of fond memories of holidays spent in Pulau Redang. It would be cruel to only allow the rich to holiday in Pulau Redang.

Willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause ?

2010-04-12T09:36:00.000-07:00

THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
Musical : Man of La Mancha (1972)
Music by Mitch Leigh & Lyrics by Joe Darion
Sung by : Peter O'Toole (Don Quixote)

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

I had an opportunity to participate in the local production of The Man of La Mancha years ago. It was a good experience. No, I wasn't acting in the musical but just making some noise with the guitar. That was it.

I love the story line until today. It has a very sad ending. But I'd like to watch it again, somehow.

Baby Baby

2010-04-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

Muhammad is a bubbly and smiley baby. For the five minutes I was there, the moment he smiled at passers-by,they are taken in by his smile and he gets about RM1 to RM5 (depending on how much the compassionate passers-by have in their pocket at that time). After making a few trips to the bank I realised that sometimes Muhammad is not Muhammad. The 'guardian' sometimes have a different baby! Sometimes he is sleeping. Sometimes he can be crying.

I happen to ask one lady why did she drop cash into the handkerchief spreaded out on the ground and she replied : Who knows if his family is in heavy debt and he is the only one who can bring in money at the moment? or a sick mother or father who can't afford to pay for medical treatment ? Kesianlah budak ni, comel nampak pun. Kalau tak bagi duit pun rasa tak sedap hati, kan ?

Another 'uncle' who happened to be there also told me that nowadays, the world is cruel. Even right here in Penang. No need to look so far overseas. What kind of people they are who make use of children especially babies to do their dirty work ? Maybe you think I am stupid to give him money, but if they (the guardian and the baby)don't bring in the moola, would they be ill-treated ? That was his concern.

What about the woman (guardian) - is she being harassed too ? What happens to her if she did not bring in any money for that day ?

Due to parking space constraints, I only managed to talk to the woman/guardian for a few seconds. She says that Muhammad comes from Tanjung Tokong.

I don't really know the reason why or how this came to be but I feel really sad to see a toddler, working hard for the money..for whom ????

Once Upon A Note

2010-03-06T01:34:00.000-08:00

Something triggered this in my memory today. I don't know why. Maybe it is time for me to deal with it or just be plain honest. Maybe I will feel better. Now I know the reason. Hard to swallow though, but my refusal to further continue my music education in my younger days was because I hated the way it was taught to me.

I hated it every time I got beaten or scolded severely for making mistakes. It sort of created a sense of rebellion in me. I dreaded every lesson that I had to go to. The best teacher around did not know how to handle a slow-learner like me. The most accomplished teacher around failed to instil in me the love for music.

All the excuses that I gave for not practising, for hating music was just excuses to make the teacher look good and me, the bad one. Yes, I kind of got into trouble a lot with my parents during my schooling days (pre-teens) because I never really improved or showed interest where music was concerned. Call it the child that was 'blacklisted' in a family where music practically runs in the blood. Suicidal ? Yes. Attempted it ? Yes. But when it came to doing it, I chickened out. It was not worth it. Honestly. For several years I never touched the piano. I kind of blocked it out of my life.

Years later, somehow I got involved in church activities. When it came to music, I usually ran away before they even start to ask. It was common knowledge that I came from a musical background. Somehow, He searched me out. By then my hatred and anger towards music had died down. To get involve in music again was painful as it reminded me of my past. But that part of my life, I have put it behind me.

Today, praise the Lord. I may not be a good and at the top ranked musician. I still have a long way to go. But now, I play for Him because He is my only audience. I have my music teacher to thank.Yes. I was taught good and strong basics. The only thing I lacked was the brains and skills to excel in that kind of music. If I had continued in that kind of music, I would not have been involved in church. The wonderful people I got to know in my life right now would not exist if I had continued in that path.

God works in strange ways. I loved music until I took up music. But God intervened and put me back into music to praise Him. God was training my hands for a purpose. I left that kind of music but God brought His music and restored my life with it.

Wow, I feel so much better now.

Funny Chinwag

2010-02-05T10:12:00.000-08:00

This song is unique. Trust Billy Joel to write these stuff. Imagine having to sing this at a karaoke if you aren't very sure of the lyrics. Reading the lyrics and singing it coul be a challenge for some. Best to memorize the lyrics before singing it. Some might call it the modern tongue-twister. Imagine a schoolteacher instructing you to sing this song for talking too much. It would be funny. And try singing this after you have gone to your dentist for a regular. Those numbed nerves around your mouth can pose a very creative vocal composition. It would be a challenge for the listeners, though. There you go :

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenberg, H-Bomb,Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, The King and I, and The Catcher in the Rye

Eisenhower, Vaccine, England's got a new queenMarciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

Chorus :

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller,Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu and Rock Around The Clock

Einstein,James Dean,Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev
princess Gace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

CHORUS

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge on the River Kwai"

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

Buddy Holly, "Ben-Hur", space monkey, Mafia
hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

CHORUS

Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger in a Strange Land"
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs Invasion

"Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex
JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

CHORUS

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon, back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollolah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

"Wheel of Fortune" , Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shore, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller Cola Wars, I can't take it anymore

CHORUS

We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

Sleep Where Art Thou?

2010-01-25T05:16:00.000-08:00

I can't go to sleep. I am counting sheep. I am counting Simon Cowells. I am counting Colin Firths. I still can't go to sleep. The clock is ticking and ticking. Soon it will be dawn. Soon it will be time for everyone who had a good night's sleep to wake up to a new day. I am still trying to sleep. No way. I am not taking any medication to make me sleep. I will not touch that thing. No way. No way. I still can't go to sleep.

I should make myself physically exhausted; perhaps I would be able to go to sleep, then.

When can I go to sleep ? I am still wide awake...

You Are My Friend

2010-01-22T11:18:00.001-08:00

I guess I am overdoing it already but this is the final 'deathly' poem for today, at least.

The Friend

In a circle of friends, the one who dies first is the friend you'll never forget
This is the death that unhinges you from the trappings of everyday life
And makes you - suddenly - absurdly grateful
For each new breath - beginning with this one.

This is the death that could break you apart in every way possible
That persuades you - in memory of that friend - to turn away
From whatever refuses to speak to your heart
From whatever threatens to numb your soul
From whatever it is that revels in death.

Yet this, too, is the friend you need by your side
Listen, together they urge you : Live Your Life

Alice Kavounas (1945 - )

Life Goes On

2010-01-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

Here's yet another poem that caught my eye - I guess I am in the mood for 'deathly' poems today.

Life Goes On

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must, parting is hell !
But life goes on, so SING as well.

Joyce Grenfell (1910-1979)

PRAYER

2010-01-22T10:50:00.000-08:00

My Lord God

I Have No Idea Where I Am Going

I Do Not See The Road Ahead Of Me

I Cannot Know For Certain Where It Will End

Nor Do I Really Know Myself And The Fact That

I Think I Am Following Your Will Does Not Mean

I Am Actually Doing So

But I Believe The Desire To Please You

Does In Fact Please You

And I Hope That I Have The Desire In All That

I Am Doing

I Hope I Will Never Do Anything

Apart From That Desire

And I Know That If I Do This You Will Lead Me

By The Right Road Though I May Know Nothing

About It

Therefore I Will Trust You Always

Though I May Seem To Be Lost And

In The Shadow Of Death

I Will Not Fear For You Are Ever With Me

And You Will Never Leave Me To Face My Troubles Alone.

Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968)

Taken from Poems and Readings For Funerals

Edited by Julia Watson

All The Best

2010-01-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

It was indeed a journey of sorts - even better than Indiana Jones. I wish you both all the best. May you continue to stay in love with each other. .ups and downs alike. May you both grow in your ministries and minister as the Lord has planned for you. God bless you both, Aaron and Sharon. This song, old as it seems, is dedicated to the both of you.

MULANYA DI SINI

Tibanya di sini , bagai terulang lagi

Kisah yang indah, di antara kita berdua

Sehingga di sini, tiada berpaling lagi

Kita berteman, seiring jalan dan sehaluan

Sama-sama...menjejak mimpi

Sama-sama...mencari dan menanti

Segalanya direstui cinta sejati

Sama-sama ... gunung didaki

Sama-sama ... turun ke lembah sepi

Suka duka bersama dirasai

Mulanya di sini, ku kenali dirimu

Sehingga kini, sehingga ke akhir waktu

Akhirnya di sini, ku kenali hatimu

Sehingga kini, kita akan terus berlalu

Sama-sama ... menjejak mimpi

Sama-sama ... mencari dan menanti

Segalanya direstui cinta sejati

Sama-sama...gunung didaki

Sama-sam ...turun ke lembah sepi

Suka duka ... bersama dirasai

Di hadapan kita ada jalan

Menuju di kejauhan ada sinar menanti

Di penghujung perjalanan ini

Oh ... sambil bernyanyi

Mendendang senandung yang syahdu

Riangnya hati dan indah duniaku

Sama-sama ... menjejak mimpi

Sama-sama ... mencari dan menanti

Segalanya direstui cinta sejati

Sama-sama ...gunung didaki

Sama-sama ... turun ke lembah sepi

Suka duka ... bersama dirasai

( Freedom - Royston Sta Maria & Syed Haron Ahmad )

There I I go Again

2010-01-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

This is not embarassing. This is not even making a fool of myself. I blew it when I was given the opportunity to do something. When it mattered most, I just blew it. Just like when I was in Form 2. I guess that I am not that reliable. I'd like to do something like that one day - guess I will just have to deal with it (at least for a few more days, weeks or months). Sigh,,,'

Skin Deep

2009-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

I thought the days of skin colour division were over. Looks like history is repeating itself. Why do people still have problems with skin colour ? Why do the fairer race think that they are superior to other races who are a bit tanned ?

Hey, I love being tanned - not white and pale.

I truly find this very sad. What happened to the racial integration that was so strong ? What happened to the family-like atmosphere? What happened to the mutual respect people had always practiced ? Why is there a rift between whites and locals now ? It has gotten from bad to worse. Know what is the worst thing ? The person or people who have authority to prevent this rift from happening did not do their part in ensuring that the rift be mended as soon as possible. They just sat back and watched. Watching and waiting for what, I do not know. But this has gone really too far and is causing some internal problems too.

Sometimes with power comes great responsibility. But that does not mean abuse of power to meet one's selfish plan or to bully.

How I pray that all this nonsense would end soon. I guess some people have just got to realise that there are different approaches to settle or handle a situation....sigh....

Blessed Not Less

2009-10-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

"I am so blessed. I have received so much. I don't know what to do with my wealth. I don't have to work for the rest of my life. I would be so damned bored!!!"

Hey brother - I can give you some suggestions on what you can do with your wealth. Do you want to hear it ?

1. Build a community centre. Complete with all the facilities. Open it up for the

purpose of church programmes and also a training school for the lay people. Charge minimum. Forget about how much profit it will bring you. (After all , you don't need to work for the rest of your life, right?) And God will bless you with more.

2. Sponsor people who would like to work full-time for the church (practical amount, please!). Although they would love to devote their time and talent for the church, they also have families and other commitments to take care of. I am pretty sure that if all their necessities were taken care of, you will have the maximum productive church worker. Watch things happen to the church.

3. Build a few decent funeral parlours for the church members. At the moment, there isn't enough. We have only have one comfortable and cosy funeral parlour at the moment. We could do with a few more, actually.

For the moment, I think 3 suggestions would be enough.

Brother, are you still there ? Hello ?

Hot Air

2009-10-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

No..no..No.! I will not...!! I am feeling a bit annoyed. I am annoyed. Yes. Truth be told. Yes. Annoyed. ANNOYED.

I think that people who simply throw a tantrum or give in to their flying hot tempers are selfish people. If they don't get what they want or things don't go according to their plans - it is hell for all of us who are around them. Selfish, isn't it ? Sometimes when we are put in situations where all of us can't avoid. There are solutions to each problem. There are ideas to be put forth. There are many ways to do a certain thing. So why blow up when someone else has an idea (a better one, in fact) to do something ? After all, it will benefit everyone.

I mean it is all right to get angry - we have the right to get angry or be angry. It is our emotions that make us human. Even Jesus got angry. But Jesus got angry because He had a reason to. It was not for pure selfish reasons that He got angry. He got angry because there was no respect shown to His Father.

I am a firm believer that anger can be overcome. I know and believe that because I used to be very 'short-tempered' but with the grace and strength given by Him.. I managed to overcome my tempers and anger. I do get angry from time to time. I have a good reason.

If someone is being silly, then we have a reason to be angry - not at the person but at the silliness of this person. What he is doing, not at him.

Sigh...at least my annoyance is gone now. So much for the hot air. Anyone wants to join me for a drink ?

I Don't Get It

2009-10-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

I don't get it. I don't get it at all. Some people go crazy when they are not in control of anything. Some people have to have control over something or else they can't get through the day.

In the case of leadership, anywhere - some people do not relish the idea of being in the leadership, some people would kill just to be in the leadership. Why ? Is being a leader of something the goal of a lifetime ?

Fine. A good leader is hard to come by. True. Some people would go to all lengths just to be a leader. They will try all kinds of things just to be a leader. And if this is denied to them, man, would they raise hell for everyone around them. Sounds familiar ? Why are there some who are so desperate to be a leader ? Is it to feed an unmet need ? The need for recognition ? An inferior complex ? The need to be accepted ?

Some people think that no one is as good a leader as themselves. They are the best leaders around. No one is above them. I feel sad for them. Really I do.

On the other hand, it is not easy being a leader.
Do they realise that ?
Some leaders lead by example.
What kind of example are they showing ?
Some leaders are fair and just in their actions.
Why are some leaders being selective ?
Some leaders use their authority and strength to build up the country or community.
Some leaders destroy them because they are just being plain silly and acting without thinking.
Some leaders look after their people and their needs.
Some leaders look after their own needs only.
Some leaders are genuine in their desire to lead for the betterment of the community or country.
Some leaders just want to be leaders for the sake of being leaders. For the glamour. Sigh....

And the list goes on and on...as endless as the stupidity of humans who are constantly being blinded by their own selfish ambitions ...without thinking of the consequences of their actions..

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:9

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. - Deuteronomy 8:2

Toast Bread and Butter

2009-10-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Look at all the food. Look at all that food. I wish I could be a world class cook. I will just live to feed people. Nothing like feeling the joy and satisfaction of seeing someone's face light up and enjoying my cooking !! Ha..wishful thinking.

I can remember what to mix and blend when it comes to colours. But cooking ? It could be disastrous for me as I really can't remember what to put in. It would end up a nightmare dish. Someone once told me that you just throw in whatever you want into the pot and wait for it to be cooked. Yuuup.... Purple gravy, eesh..!!! Onions...I love onions..Delicious!!..and Spring Onions..pity I couldn't eat it with the purple gravy that looks so Vitagen..or nowadays,Yakult.

Well, I salute people who can really cook up a dish anywhere, anytime with just about anything they have.

Publish Post

Toast bread and butter for the time being and of course, a cup of hot tea.

No Money No Talk ?

2009-08-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

I hate to admit this - but I am slowly beginning to dislike my job. Why am I stuck here ? It helps me pay all the monthly bills I am bogged down with. And jobs are quite hard to get nowadays and do not meet the salary I am currently drawing.

The job is fine except for one part or function which I kind of find it really disgusting and time consuming. What is it - going after people who owe money. Makes me a kind of 'Ah Long' which I am not. It is this one of those job requirements stipulated in my employment agreement indirectly...haha. (to support the administration of the organisation as and when required)..

Questions:

Why not forget about the things you want to have if you cannot afford to pay for it ?

Why get yourself into such a situation when you know that it will cost you a lot of money and you cannot afford that kind of lifestyle ?

Why is status so important to you that you need to have all these in order to be accepted or looked up upon in society ?

Why waste so much money using expat specialists when you can use local talent and resources ?

Why deprive your dependents of a good and debt-free lifestyle ?

How many times do you need to be reminded that you did not pay up ? You use up extra papers unnecessarily.

Why give problems to a person like me who has to come after you everyday when you don't pay your oustanding debts and yet use the services unashamedly ?

I am also amazed that they (the people who owe money) can actually come up with weird but creative answers too so as to avoid any legal action.

What crap these fellas are...can bluff children but cannot bluff anyone else...

Hush Hush

2009-08-09T18:23:00.000-07:00

Do I serve man or do I serve God ? Sometimes there is a thin line between these two. Sometimes I feel that my intentions are good at the beginning and then somehow it ends up that I serve man instead, depending on the course which I flow...that's really bad, sometimes. The Spirit is willing but the Flesh is weak. Very..very weak. Menyeleweng betul tu..

It is good to honour and respect man. Especially the godly ones. But godly men are also men. Why is there such fear in man rather than God ? Yes, God gave Man the authority over everything. Granted. And the Word also says that one has to respect and pray for those in authority over us as they are accountable for us. And, the Word also says that we are to make their lives less stressful while they watch over us .. in layman's language, don't give them any problems. They have enough problems in their lives. Sigh.

What if the supposedly godlies compromises their values and bend those rules a little ? What if we found out things that are a no-no in their lives and can't do a single thing about it or say anything about it to anyone ? As the Word also says that one can't judge lest he be judged by Him. So is this a make-believe world that the truth is staring right at my face and I refuse to see it just because the Word said judge not ? I admit , readily, that, that is really a difficult situation to deal with. It's a wrestling match between beliefs and laws.

The Word also says to give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and yet some shepherds go haywire in leading the flock. Their flock. Their sheep. Us. We are like sheep. Or rather, lallang. We bend wherever the wind blows or just do it without responsibility because the shepherd of the flock is doing it and no one is saying anything about it ? I find this is the most popular excuse we tend to give whenever we can.

Happiness Is

2009-07-13T23:32:00.000-07:00

HAPPINESS means.....

A PLACE IN HEAVEN WHEN I DIE friends SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT FOR NO APPARENT REASON eating all you can eat for free SWIMMING IN THE RAIN singing out of tune on purpose BLASTING AWAY MY CD PLAYER have as many fake tatoos as possible DRINK AS MUCH A & W ROOT BEER sleep at three in the morning READ JUGHEAD COMICS watch HOUSE without disruptions DANCE TO MY FAVOURITE SONGS pretending to be like MJ or Janet when they dance WHACK THOSE DRUMS graffitti on my bedroom walls TALK TO MYSELF take off spontaneously to an unknown destination for a short holiday WATCH LIVE RUGBY matches BREAK DANCING jam with the guitars RUNNING FREELY dive into the sea MOVIE MARATHON ice cream binge ENDLESS SUPPLY OF MONEY singing SLEEPING AND NO ALARM CLOCKS ALLOWED

Love or Hate Them

2009-07-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

the other side of life...

1. waking up early in the morning to go to work when everyone else is having a holiday
2. people who make a big fuss over nothing
3. vegetarians who do not understand that the other half of the world aren't vegetarians
4. wanting to spend quality time with someone who can't do without his or her laptop
5. going on a holiday with people who don't have fantastic eating habits and you have to eat
whatever they are eating
6. travelling mates who constantly can't be left alone by their families back home and who are
constantly checking on them every few hours
7. health conscious friends who constantly whine about the food that is served at buffet dinners
and wondering why they get hungry later..
8. when you long for peace and quiet someone blasts the radio to the max with noisy songs
9. a boss who loves to be fussed over
10. someone who is constantly complaining and never satisfied with anything

Watch At Your Own Risk

2009-06-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me which is the scariest movie I ever watched. Until now, SALEM'S LOT still holds the record.

My friends and I watched this funky momok movie in 1979 or 1980. It's scary because there were some scenes that were pretty frightening and it replayed in my mind even though I didn't want to think of it. It sort of affected me badly. How old was I ? I think I was around 10 or 11years old at that time. Now I can laugh but it was no laughing matter for me then because I was living in fear for almost 5 years as a result of watching that movie!!!

After watching Salem's Lot, I :

1. Slept with all the windows in my room tightly shut (yeah, the scene where the boy was floating outside the window and was asking his friend to open the window..guess what happened next...)
2. Began to have frightening dreams and daily gastric pains
3. Started being afraid of the 'dark'
4. Avoided funeral wakes or anywhere that had 'dead bodies' or dead person (scene in the chapel where the dead body of a woman slowly waking up...and at the hospital morgue waiting room)
5. Became frightened of being left 'alone' in the house.
6. Started believing that God was not that powerful after all (the scene in the movie where the crucifix was rendered 'powerless' and 'useless' - because the person did not believe)

I was in oppression for many years. Then I happened to be at this healing crusade by a visiting evangelistic priest from India (Fr. Gino). During his preaching he mentioned that God was going to heal someone who was under oppression. When the time for prayers came, I went up to him for prayers and was completely set free from all these fears. PRAISE GOD. NO MORE FEARS.

That night I slept with all my windows opened...ahh..the fresh air..and the night breeze..woohoo!
That night I slept peacefully and aiyo.. like a log.
There was no need to use 'minyak angin' everyday now because the gastric was no more attacking me.
At night I was not afraid of the dark anymore.
When someone died I was not afraid to attend their funeral wake.
I was happy to be left alone at home.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

That's Dad!

2009-05-31T03:05:00.000-07:00

My father was a teacher, a disciplinarian and a hobby artist. He loves drawing. That's how he started me on drawing and painting since my childhood days. His favourite was the comic drawings of Marvel superheroes. He has also an interest in bodybuilding(yuck!) and other things. His idol was John Wayne..I don't know why. I suppose he thinks that John Wayne is cool.

Although conversations between my father and I were minimum throughout my growing up years, there was this certain kind of respect and space given. I know I could never agree with him on anything. I disliked his other lifestyles. In fact I was pretty embarassed by his actions and extra-curricular activities.

Being a teacher, he had a lot of expectations from my sister and I. Of course, the smart one was my elder sister. I am just the average joe. Often, I would prefer to run and hide whenever my father's friends came as he would introduce his eldest daughter and me, the younger one. So I found it quite torturous to live up to his standards.

So there was a lot of memories which I prefere not to note down being that forgiveness has played its role and wounds healed.

The only happy memories I have of my father which I prefer to remember were the few weeks just before he passed away. It was as if I was given a second chance to see my father and understand my father as he really is. He also got to know his 'missing in action' younger and tomboyish daughter who would never believe that her dad also loved her.

As I got to know more about God and His Fatherly love, I learnt to forgive my father for the flawed image that he created of himself. I began to understand that my father, as a human, as a man, he did not know how to express himself when it came to relating with his two daughters. Thinking back, I could remember the little things that he did for me and that was when I realised that he did really try but it was just not his nature. He was a father and tried very hard to be a 'dad'. I think he gave up on me later on when I hit my teens. After that it was no go till my working adult life. I also began to learn that he too had his own 'ghosts' in his closet to clean out. That explained his whole behaviour and lifestyle.

As the years went by, I understood and learned to forgive him for whatever he did.

Just before he passed away one morning, I remember him being his usual sarcastic self advising me to take care of myself and not to play the fool with my job and my life. That was the last time he spoke to me. And I was the last person to see him alive that morning. When I reached my office, I received that dreaded phone call.

Just too bad that we only knew each other for a short time. But then again, it was better than never. Hope you are well in heaven !!

Happy Fathers' Day, Dad.

Lost Forever

2009-05-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

I miss my handphone !!!! I loved it !! It had nice pics of special people in it !!!! Can't get it back...it got stolen before Easter. I just bought it in November last year. And it also had my favourite songs in it and together with some inspired bits and pieces of lyrics that might have been put together to make a song of praise to God.

Well, it didn't make me feel better to think that my handphone got stolen in church ! A thief in the church ! A fast one, I reckon. I only looked away for about half a minute and when I turned back it was GONE !!

BYE BYE my Sony Ericsson !! Happy roaming wherever you are !!!

Let It Be

2009-05-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

God must be laughing at me sometimes. It is not funny when He laughs as He knows the outcome of everything. Sometimes it is unfair as I am not prepared for the surprises myself.

It truly takes a lot of humility to ask someone for help to get this over and done with. I suppose although it happened such a long time ago, I believe that it is God's timing. If I were a normal person, it would not have mattered. But this time round, as I am put into a position where I can't really run away from it, I had to do it eventually.

It took me three months to build up courage to ask for help and support in this matter. Sometimes we think that we can handle everything but in the end we realise that although we have the knowledge to handle it, sometimes God made it in such a way that we still need people to help us through with this. It is a process of learning that God wants us to go through.

I truly thank God that there are still people around me who are able to lend a hand or even support me spiritually when it comes to "paralysis subjects" such as this.

At least, now I am able to go forward and move on.

"Let it be, let it be..let it be, let it be..."

Ho-ho-ho!!

2009-05-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well I hope people understand when I decline any alcoholic drinks served. I am not being rude or proud. The truth is I get tipsy after consuming the minimum alcoholic drinks. In other words I talk or behave funnily.

I often end up being the butt of everybody's joke simply because I can't consume alcohol at all. Whatever I did or said under the influence of alcohol must not be taken seriously. Loads of nonsense you will definitely hear but they do not necessarily reflect the truth of things. So, kindly bear with me if I am being rude or abrupt.

I remember having being given a full three days medical leave to recover from a hangover as a result of consuming a bottle of Kampai....sigh...

LOVE

2009-05-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

What is love ? Someone asked me. I answered that I have some ideas but it cannot be totally based on that.

In my opinion, love means dead to self. Giving without expecting anything in return. Sacrificial. At a cost. Willing to pay a price. Even to the point of death. Willingness to suffer for the sake of that person. Enduring pain without complaining. Exchange of life. JESUS. The ultimate LOVE manifested.

Would somebody cry for me ? JESUS.
Would somebody really die for me ? JESUS.
Would somebody endure extreme pain for me ? JESUS.
Would somebody sacrifice his entire life for me ? Yes. JESUS.

It is a humbling experience to see what our Lord Jesus Christ would do for us. So that we might live and have a hope of entering into HIS KINGDOM and to live with Him for ever and ever.

Bring it to the Maker

2009-04-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Sheesh..If I could turn back time...I would have done a lot of things. But then again, I also love being in the present.

So many unanswered questions. It is good to dream but me being me, I am not a daring person.

There are some who have even scaled mountains. Here I am, still trying to scale my own 'mountain'.

I have even come to understand and accept this 'mountain' as part of life. This 'mountain' will be ever present in my life. It is not that God has not heard my prayer to 'remove' this 'mountain' - but rather, God may not have removed it but I can see that He has shown me ways to 'go around' and learn to 'manouver' my way around it. It has helped me tremendously throughout these years.

I have even come to see the positive fruits of this continued surrendering to God regarding this 'mountain' in my life.

Yes, It has helped me in terms of being grateful , thankful that I have a good and loving Father who knows me, who loves me despite my limitations. It has not caused me to run away or shut myself away from people. By surrendering this 'mountain' to Abba Father, He has helped me 'live' life according to His will although it is a tremendous struggle almost everytime.

I know that one fine day, I will be released from this prison of suffering in silence; suffering from a distance. As far as I can see, the Lord has helped me learn to cope with all these trials.

The Lord Jesus Christ has indeed restored what was deemed 'lost'. Now I am filled with the much needed comfort and strength.

Yes, I do admit that there will be further trials that will knock me off my feet but I am confident that the Lord will and has never abandoned me in my time of need.

There goes the song..."ain't no mountain too high above...."

Bless The Broken Road

2009-04-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

God gives, God takes. This song is special because it reminds me of how God brings special people into our lives for a reason, for a specific purpose for that specific time of our life. Sometimes in this world we can't all have what we wish for or want. Yet, deep inside, we know that God knows our hearts and our desires. Let us count our blessings whenever we have the chance to be with our loved ones no matter how short a time - Times spent with our loved ones are precious and we thank God for those times and moments...I may not have the chance to be with this special person all the time but for the times that God has enabled us to be together, I am grateful and thankful.

BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD

Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way
Many years ago
Hoping I would find true love
Along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow
and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign
Pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream
Lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent
Just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost
And give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan
That is coming true

Every long lost dream
Lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Bronto Bronchial Whatever

2009-03-24T03:01:00.000-07:00

I have been having this infection - bronchitis - for the past one month. It is kind of tiring especially if you have a coughing fit that lasts an hour to two hours. At nights, it is sleepless as I can't lie down, if I do, I'll start having a coughing fit that will wake up the entire household. How about that - no sleep and no rest for a month. Stoned, man. Stoned.

In desperation, comes from a friend the suggestion of gulping down garlic - euwww..yes, garlic. Strong aroma and it makes our lungs strong too. That's what she says and that's what she guaranteed. It is nice to eat garlic with Bah Kut Teh..but not in huge amount...

My mother has got this habit of overdoing things. If I start to want to eat something, she'll do a cook up that can last for days for one or two persons to eat. If we want some fruits, she'll go to the famed Lorong Kulit and get enough to feed an army. And there are only three of us. So the same whole fruit or vegetable for a week. The only thing that saves us from uttering a murmur is that people in other parts of the world are starving. So we gotta deal with that same kind of foods as long as we can. And life goes on.

Well, sometimes I can't help it if I cough too much or too hard and some air comes out from the rear end...can't stop that too, I suppose. Oops, excuse me !!!

Note: Xray above is not ME !!!!!!!!!!!!

Super Star

2009-03-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

You are the sunshine after the rain

You are the unreachable star

You are the Impossible Dream

You are what I see From A Distance

You are my favourite pass of time

You are a hard habit to break

You are unforgetable like my favourite movie

You are what perfect is

You are my Best Friend

Fallen

2009-03-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Fikiran saya berkecamuk. Macam-macam difikirkan. Bila ternampak sahaja apa-apa yang boleh mengingatkan kembali detik-detik yang indah. Sekarang hanya tertinggal memori berwarna hitam putih.

Doa saya kini adalah sama seperti doa saya yang dahulu :

Tabahkan hati saya, Tuhan - supaya saya dapat merentangi saki-baki kehidupan saya. Tabahkan hati saya, Tuhan - supaya saya dapat lalui masa harian tanpa ditentang memori yang membawa penderitaan dan kesakitan.

Di sini saya dapat bersua denganMu Tuhan. Di sini saya dapat ketenangan dariMu Tuhan. Di sini saya dapat percayai sekali lagi yang diri saya insan yang berguna untuk pembinaan kerajaanMu Tuhan.

Tiada yang mengenali sesiapa saya yang sebenar - hanya Kau, Tuhan. Tiada yang dapat tahu betapa sukarnya untuk menjalani hidup dalam keadaan kesakitan ini - hanya Kau, Tuhan.

Janganlah biarkan saya hidup merengkok dalam penderitaan ini selama-lamanya. Bebaskanlah saya dari kesengsaraan , Tuhan.

Segalanya dalam nama Yesus Kristus, Amin.

This is such a beautiful prayer..

God Smiles We What?

2009-03-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

God loves a joke every now and then. Correction. God loves playing pranks on everyone now and then. Very often He thinks it is funny when we think it is not. Because, we are the JOKE. He is laughing because of US. The Jokers.

I wasn't very happy with somebody once. A few weeks ago. So what do we normally do when we are not happy with some people ? We try our best to avoid them if possible. That's what I'd do. Well, what do you know. God decided that He'd step in and play GOD.

It was maddening the countless of times where he and I would be at the same place and at the same time. Or shopping at the same mall and looking at the same things. I think that He gets a laugh everytime He does that to me to see what I would do. Will I be friendly and smile at him as we pass by each other or me being my plain rude self just walk past him and IGNORE him.?

No, love your enemies and pray for them. That's a tall order, Lord. Sometimes I do struggle and wrestle with the idea of Loving Your Enemies - and Lord, he isn't my enemy...I just want to see less of him....because he annoys me and irritates me everytime he speaks ...arrrrrgggghhh!!! He is so full of himself . Kind of reminds me of Reggie Mantle...(one of the characters from the Archie Comics Book)

Happy or Not

2009-02-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

So I had me a weekend up in the Highlands. The climate was really beautiful and astonishingly cool..or cold, which is the most appropriate word. They even have a Starbucks there now...!!!

The whole weekend, I wasn't myself. I was told. Yes. True. In a way.

What was I supposed to be doing - what or how. I found that I was a little bit impatient and irritable at the slightest of things. I just know that it was abnormal.

Perhaps it is easier to face the cold, hard truth. I just have to get used to it, that's all.

A lot of soul-searching questions which looked really easy but kind of tricky to answer. Honestly, I had a tough time trying to answer it TRUTHFULLY.

This is something which has to be challenged constantly and they sure do not have any immediate answers to these.

I have this mental obstacle that I find hard to overcome. I just wished I could speak fluently in public. Then I would lack confidence. Thing is, I am really afraid to speak publicly. I will just freeze for want of nothing.

I guess I just got to do it whether I am happy or not..

AIDS

2009-01-22T09:19:00.000-08:00

An ordinary day - I was walking to my car after shutting up the office when someone came walking towards me.

AV:
Hello, good evening. Do you have a minute ? Are you in a hurry ?

ME:
No. Er..hello.

AV:
I am sorry. I don't mean to frighten you. (as he takes of his helmet).

I took a look at him and man, was he a sorry sight.

ME:
It's all right. (I was freakin' out, actually). Carry on. Can I help you ?

AV:

Ok. My name is AV. Somehow I do not really know why I am here. I was on my motorbike. I have ridden past this road numerous times today. I have no idea why, ok ? Suddenly I was compelled to turn in here. I know this is private property. I have passed this school millions of times when I was working. I feel as if it was meant for us to meet.

ME:
Hmm. (Suspiciously I looked at him. Then I took out my wallet. Immediately he stopped me and then said something which was quite honest.)

AV:

No. Stop. I don't need money. I have loads of it. I was an architect before. I had loads of money as my clientele was wide. I am actually married and have a fine-looking son who is around 18 now. I have a pretty wife and the most loving mother in the world.

ME:
Ah. So what happened...you look like you lost something...

AV:

I not only lost something. I lost everything. Maybe I was destined to tell you. I don't know. You see, you are a young lady. You have a great life ahead of you. My advice ? Don't mess up your future. It not only destroys you, it also destroys everything and everyone you love. I was a rich man. I had everything a man could ever want - but pride crept into my life. Soon, I started boozing away my wealth and went into womanizing. My wife and oung son was neglected because I was seldom at home. I had too much money and I didn't know what to do with it. I had my share of women - women who only wanted my wealth so they did anything I asked them. Not all women are what we think they are. As a result of my womanizing, I contracted the dreaded AIDS. Some of them had the disease but they did not tell me about it. Now, the doctor said I have only six months to live. In fact, I am not sure if I can last till end of this year.

ME:
Oh. I am sorry to hear that.

AV:

Don't be. All this came about because I was arrogant and proud. When I was diagnosed with AIDS, I knew that my time here was limited. I went back to my family - my wife didn't want to see me as she feared that I would hit her as I always did whenever I was drunk. My son couldn't even stand the sight of me. He went out of the house when he knew I was coming. My mom ? She passed away without seeing me. Now, all I want to do is set things right with them before I go. I wanted to ask forgiveness from my wife and son but they wouldn't even come near me. But it seems too late to do anything now. This is the greatest pain that I ever have to live with. I don't blame them. I have only myself to blame for everything that I have done.

ME:
And..your wrists...(I pointed and he showed them to me)

AV:

Look, see all these scars ? They are all knife scars. In my desperation to end all these pain, I have attempted suicide many times. In fact I attempted another suicide just last month. I still can't cope with this disease and the pain of rejection from my family and I don't want to live any more. At least at death I feel no more pain.

ME:
Do you believe in God ?

AV:

That's what I wanted to tell you too. When I was diagnosed with this AIDS, I lost many friends and my business went bust. For years I lived on my savings and they were running out fast too. In a moment of desperation, I turned to religion. I went to the temples; tried Hinduism; followed my Muslim friends and after a while I stopped by a church. I got turned away from church once people realised that I was afflicted by AIDS. I didn't find any peace from all of them. Until now. When I came towards you, I didn't feel any fear. When I spoke to you, you did not show that you were going to run off like the others did when they saw me. Are you a Christian ? You look like one. But I was turned away by a church when I went there...I was born and raised as a Catholic but unfortunately I have stopped believing in it.

ME:

Yes. I am a Christian and..I am a Catholic. But I am not judging you or condemning you. The God I believe in is a merciful God. If you have realised your mistakes, tell it to God. He will know how to deal with this. Tell Him how you feel. God will surely understand. Not men. If you are sorry..just tell Him you are sorry. You will be all right. You will feel all right. AV, be happy today. Your mother has been praying for you. She has not stopped praying for you. That is why you have been given this time of grace to make peace within yourself. You have to forgive yourself and let go of past memories and mistakes. As you yourself understand, you may not have long to live.

AV:

Even if I was going to die in a few months, I know that I am able to go peacefully. Thank you for showing me that all is not lost in Jesus. You are God's instrument I believe. Now I can discard all these religious books that I have been reading. Now I know that God is giving me a chance and I will do all I can for my family before I go even if they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Thank you.

ME:
Good luck, AV. The Lord be with you. Here, have this. It will help you a lot.

AV:
A bible ?

ME:
Yeah. Keep it. I have a few.

AV:
Thank you. Thank you.

Well, it was an experience for me. To come face to face with an AIDS victim. The scars of suicide are clear and so are the fresh wounds made by the knives intended to kill the victim who preferred the pain of suicide than suffer the pain of rejection. I think people should be more compassionate and not full of condemnation and pride when it comes to handling an AIDS victim.

March 2003

I Have A Dream

2009-01-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was still studying we had this so-called questionnaire every year regarding our 'ambition' or 'ambitions'. My classmates had theirs and I had my own. As I look back, I think it was quite cool...but well, they just remain as they were..A Dream.

Archaeologist

I was interested in this field because of Indiana Jones. Furthermore, I had this sick liking for history, well, to be honest, world history, not so of Malaya yet except for the time where they had this hot topic of Japan invading Malaya in the 2nd World War. I thought working on an excavation site was really cool but, well, certain things didn't really appeal to me so...the project was abandoned.

Photograpy Journalism

I discovered that I liked taking all sorts of photographs and writing about them. But it never occured to me that I could have sent them to the local dailies to see if they were worthwhile for the readers. I used to be very impressed with those photographs taken by journalists from all over the world on any subject. I really admired their shots - a picture paints a thousand words. They were so good at capturing the mood, the moment and general feeling. Anyway, I am still snapping photographs but I just do it as part of a hobby now. So much for the big time ambition.

Acting

I was taking up Karate at that time. My instructor told us that if we were good, we could be put into those martial arts movies. Of course, people like me started to train hard big time so that we could be in the movies !!! It was a really good motivation for me because I used to be really afraid of the sparring sessions. Again, it only remained an ambition. By the time I hit 18, there were other interests to pursue.

Police Detective

My source of inspirations include Hawaii Five-O, Hunter. But it was met with strong resistance from the homefront. I believed that this was the negative reception which resulted from my parents having to go through the May 13 incident. My mother was still very pregnant with me then. As you can see, God took care of everything. Here I am many kilos later still finding detective related stories appealing and interesting.

Badminton Champion

With the amount of time spent on badmiton, my academic prowess suffered. I love badminton, even up till today. I remember training really hard for competitions and tournaments but unfortunately I was always put on the reserve list. Seeing no action, I decided to hang up my racket.

Now, at the rate things are going, I am so contented to be a personal driver or a taxi driver. Work just doesn't appeal that much nowadays. I guess, with the economic going downhill, I have to be staying where I am and not be fussy.

Well, I suppose having ambitions are good because the inspire us to work toward that goal and achieve it and in that process, discover other possible options which may interest us as we go along life's journey.

Who knows, one day I might just achieve either of the above - in my own way.

I Have A Dream.......

It's Crazy Up There

2008-12-26T23:40:00.000-08:00

Few would want to tread this path. Unfortunately I was thrusted into this path. Life can be cruel sometimes when we make some decisions. There is no win-win situation, at least, for now. If God wants this of me, then who am I object to it ? I made a decision out of obedience.

The price ? I lost two old friends. All I did was to obey God. I lost two friends in the process. I truly am disappointed with at least one of them. Someone whom I have looked up to as a mentor. The spiritual director of my faith when I was searching. I am feeling really sad. I wish they were here with me with the same common goal. Sigh. Being near the top can actually be lonely.

A funny start to a New Year. Oh well...

Keep It Private Please

2008-11-20T10:03:00.000-08:00

During one of my window-shopping trips, I went past a shop selling ladies' stockings. My memory flashed back and I started to laugh quietly by myself.

This incident happened the first few months of my working life. It was funny for me then. My first job in a real company.

I was working as a receptionist in a firm in town. I enjoyed working there as there were only six of us and I was the youngest. I fitted in well with all of them.

It was general knowledge that my boss had a second lady in his life. I was even given a short 'briefing' by my senior officer on how to address them whenever they called up the office to speak to my boss. My senior officer said it was for security reasons. For the me, I think it is to save his ass should he be caught red-handed by his wife.

It was a Thursday evening. My boss was restless and he kept pacing up and down and looking at his watch AND the office clock. Then we found out why. His No. 2 was paying us a visit - correction, him, a visit. When she arrived, they both went into his office. It was the first time I ever saw her in person. Then the buzzer came on and my senior officer took the call. After that, he told us that we did not have to stay late that day. In other words, we were politely told to leave the office early. So we did. All of us left early. Me ? I am happy to be able to catch the impossible No. 4 MPPP Bus home. I was back by 4.30pm ! Great day !

The next day was Friday. All of us were curious what happened after we left. While we were getting ready to work, my senior officer inspected the whole office. In fact, we were all inspecting the whole office. Then suddenly my senior office gave out a shout - Guess what, he found a pair of stockings stuffed in between the sofa set at the front office. After a little inspection, he again said excitedly that he found strands of hair on the sofa too. Oh dear ! What was happening I asked. We then drew the same conclusions and had a good laugh.

At around ten, my boss came in. After a few minutes, a call came in and it was HER. I passed the call through to my boss. Within a few minutes, he came out and walked around the office - his eyes searching around the area looking for something. Of course, we knew what he was looking for. We played dumb and pretended to be busy at the same time watching him from the corner of our eye. He never found the missing pair of stockings. We never told him. He never did ask us if we knew anything about the missing stockings, anyway. Probably too embarassed. We never gave it back to him either. We were so tempted to mail that pair of stockings to his wife just to see what happens. Well, we were just the merciful employees. After a unfruitful search, he went back into his office and then we heard some heated exchange of words as he was talking on the phone. It wasn't his wife. And...the whole floor knew what they were talking about because my boss was shouting at the top of his voice. Tsk! Tsk! Just because his No. 2 lost a pair of designer stockings ! And all of us nearly died because we were laughing silently while the heated argument was 'on the air' - LIVE !!!

If you wanna do some hanky-panky, don't leave any evidence. If you want to have fun, keep it private, please.

Happy Birthday To Me

2008-11-20T09:17:00.000-08:00

And so I have just turned 39 a few days ago. A year short of 40. Living on 4 borrowed years, whatever that means. My family doctor gave me until 35. Other than that, it's a miracle that I am alive. Such was my health when I was younger. Well, here I am. With or without sickness I am still here. Living on borrowed time ? I do my best until I am called to eternal rest. For the lay, it is a miracle. For the me, I call it blessings from God to be able to reach this stage of my life. It ain't flowers all the time or even rosy; but it is so rich with experiences and memories. I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

I do admit that the idea of death sometimes frighten me. But then again, sometimes it does not. My life is such a mess that I dare not die because I know that sometimes I have done wrong things and need time to make them right. And sometimes time is what I don't have. If I have to go, I want to go clean..not lugging loads of rubbish with me. Might not have a lot of space for luggages on board ' The Eternal Wings ' flight ....

OCBC

2008-11-10T03:57:00.001-08:00

No,no.no. I am not talking about banks here. I am talking about ignorant me who can't speak Mandarin for nuts. Yes, I do understand a smatter of it here and there. But when it comes to making sentences I am an absolute goner. The only thing I can do correctly is to write my name in Chinese. Well, I only have kindergarten level of that language. I suppose it is better than nothing I guess.

Do I regret not learning the language ? No. I didn't like it when I was a kid. I still don't really like it because I don't understand. I am happy that my parents never forced me to learn it. I can learn it now, at my own pace. No need to have the same red marks all in the same line every term in my report card !! Hahaha..!!

Well, I was really stuck one day at a taxi stand in Shanghai. The driver did not understand what my friend was saying - and along came a Mat Salleh speaking Shanghainese Mandarin. What an eye-opener. Embarassed ? No. Just awed. After all, I was speaking Mandarin too. Malaysian Mandarin Kindergarten level what.

Anyway, people like me will always be labelled as an OCBC - acronym for Orang Cina Bukan Cina .. (A Chinese who is not a Chinese). Get it ?

Put it down to bad experiences from people speaking the language.

I hate it when someone comes up and starts speaking in Mandarin to me and assuming that I understood the language. In fact, I would let him talk till he was satisfied and then let him know that I don't understand Mandarin. Did he stop to ask if I understood ? No. He just assumed that everyone spoke and understood Mandarin. Well, the next time he should be more considerate !

Never Have I Known a Ruder Pest !

2008-10-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was driving around the crowded car park at GP one day. I have been going around the car park for a few times but still couldn't find a parking space. Then imagine my happiness when I saw this car reversing out and I thought " 'Aha, finally. Lovely." I said to myself. You know, it was a shortlived joy. Another car from the opposite side, of course, driving the wrong way and nearly causing an accident, zoomed past me and took the parking lot from under my nose! How rude ! Well, there you go.

12th October 2008.

Winds of Change

2008-10-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well, there you go. I am not an expert in politics. I am not a politician, either. I am no political analyst. But I am not ignorant of what's happening around me. The General Elections have come and gone. Yes, there were some anxious moments that I experienced. There is going to be a big change here. A shock to the 'Dacingstons' but like they say - what to do ? Perhaps these winds of change is good for us; perhaps a tsunami brought about changes. One of them is our country's political scene. An interesting event that should be added into our local history textbooks !

1st April 2008

Tick ! Tick ! Tick ! Tick !

2008-10-18T05:01:00.000-07:00

The polls are heating up. The streets and main roads are all strung with sheets and sheets of papers. It’s like a paper war out there. Talk about saving the trees ! I really do hope that these politicians clean up after the polls. Or else it’s gonna make places look really ugly.

We’ve got pre-election talks here and there. We the rakyat are shopping for the best products on offer. What actually are we voting for ? Our future, our beliefs, our principles, our stand on issues ? If these products are what we have been shopping for, and have high quality in terms of value then we buy it.

But for some of us who have been shopping or buying products for the past elections, it is true that some of us got shortchanged. The products failed in terms of quality control. The ‘after sales’ service was not up to the standards implemented.

From what I have seen, there are actually representatives of the rakyat who really work very , very hard.

It can be illustrated this way :

For example Mr X is the Director of a company. He is a good boss. One day his workers go on a strike and refuse to work. He is wondering why. Upon his investigations, he found out that although he was doing his best for his company, some of his so-called downline managers screwed up and that’s why the workers reacted this way and had a strike. The welfare of the workers were not taken care of because the managers shirked their duties and were sleeping on their jobs. The managers really, really made a mess and the whole company went bust because of the incompetent downline managers.

Well look out for those ‘managers’ who are likely to screw up and please, please ! For your own sakes and for the future of your children, don’t screw up when you cast your vote !!!

March 2008

Late Already !!! Faster !!

2008-10-18T04:18:00.000-07:00

When you are late for something or rushing for an appointment you can't help it if :

- people seem to be driving very slowly or they seem to be blocking your path

- the traffic lights will turn red as soon as you think you can make it so you really have got no choice but to stop your car and keep counting till it turns green again

- the traffic seem heavy but actually there is none and you are wondering why was there traffic jam in the first place

- some idiot has to turn right instead of following the direction flow of the road during peak hours and you end up waiting with him till he is able to make a right turn

- you suddenly think whether you forgot to turn off the cooking stove or the electric kettle when you are finally approaching your destination

- you suddenly remember that you have to pick up your mother from the market

- you suddenly remember that you forgot to take your wallet with you

- there is no parking space and the nearest one is ten blocks away

- you are stuck in the car without an umbrella and it is pouring heavily outside

- you have the misfortune of having to climb up six flights of steps because the elevator isn’t working that day

- your boss decided to come in to work early that day ..

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Live from the Traffic Lights !!!

2008-10-18T04:03:00.000-07:00

It can be quite interesting if you can observe what drivers do when they are stuck at traffic lights that take really long to turn green.

Here are some which I have seen :

This young driver takes up his Archie Comic Book and manages to read a few pages before suffering the deafening blare from the car behind him when the lights turned green and his car wasn’t moving.

There is this lady who took her time painting her nails and , she is quite steady in what she does. You got to see it to believe it. By the time she had all her finger nails done, she was all ready to move as the lights turned green. Talk about perfect timing, man ! She must have had lots of practice !

These two drivers were catching up on each other. They had their windscreens down so that they could ‘chat’ with each other not knowing that their conversations could be heard as they were shouting above the noise of the traffic. Definitely an interesting conversation that meant to be private..

This guy was leaning over and looking at the rear mirror. He looked as if he was trying to burst his pimple on his face or something and he really looked funny.

The classic one - this guy was picking his nose. By the looks of it, he was really enjoying himself. You can see that he is very oblivious to the people around him and after doing that he took a good look at it too. No need to know what he did to the sticky bits that came out of his nostrils….some indeed have perfected the art of ‘ the superflick’ ..

So the next time when you are at the traffic lights.. …be sure you are not caught 'LIVE'...

Farewell NES

2008-10-16T12:42:00.001-07:00

A death no one expected. A friend no one is able to forget. Only in our hearts we know that God loves him more.

Though we were just good friends we truly understood each other. We didn’t have that boy-girl relationship thing but we shared a lot of things together. A lot of girls misunderstood our kind of friendship and me, of course, sometimes ended up in hot soup because of his ever adoring female fans; Most of my secrets he knew. Most of his secrets , his pet and I knew. He had the most disgusting pet I ever saw in my life and I would always steer clear away from him whenever his pet was with him. Meet Isman the Iguana. I don’t understand why he likes lizards. I am terrified of them, actually. Why do guys like to have crazy pets ?

One of the things I will miss about him is that he doesn’t allow anyone around him to feel sad. He will try to make people smile or laugh if he so much finds out that you are feeling down at that moment. It can be really irritating sometimes especially when you need to be alone and then there he comes, being chirpy and bright and all that; and it really annoys me when he does that although he means well and has a kind heart.

I remember when I was really cheesed off with somebody, he bought me a little trophy. It read : "the greatest pretender of all." I asked him what he was on about he just plain replied : well, you know, you have an expressive facial expression and that face is going to collapse any moment now. So quit pretending; so quit being macho ; be a human being and start crying and do the normal thing!!! I laughed, of course, at first. Then I started crying. So much for self-control !!!

He also christened me - The Robot - well, sometimes to guard your own heart you gotta do something to protect it. Or else you are bound to get burned, man, get burned.

Anyway, this is for you, matey ! Rest in peace and don’t be cheeky and create havoc in heaven!

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Excuse Me - You Talking To Me ?

2008-10-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

I happened to be in this hotel somewhere in the East Coast a couple of years ago. While at the hotel, someone asked the Front Office Receptionist for directions and another asked if they could have some hot water. Of course, these guests spoke to the F.O.R. in English. To my dismay, the lady who was on duty at the Front Office could not even speak a word of English !!! How embarassing a situation. I had to step in to help translate their requests for her benefit and theirs. (Kay Poh, lah as usual)

I am wondering how come these people who are working in the front lines of the tourism industry do not know how to speak English ? Is it ignorance or rebellion or plain laziness ? Any person with a small ounce of common sense will tell you that if one is involved in the tourism industry, to be able to converse in simple and basic English is a must ! Other citizens from less-developed nations are able to speak and understand simple English - Malaysia is way ahead with its MSC and this that all, and yet, we still have this problem. Why, in this instance, the hotel overlooked this rather important requirement ? Beats me.

Friday, February 15th, 2008

Why You So Like That

2008-10-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

I know. You know. We know. They know. He knows. She knows. Everyone knows. Why like that, I don't know.

So we have people who are so inclined to ‘angkat’ or ‘tripod’ certain type of color skins just to get something out of them. Can they help it ? I don’t know. It’s their mentality. More, I would say. Sad, but true.

I was at this Food Court in Batu Ferringhi - a very popular one. I brought some ‘local’ friends from KL with me. We tried waving to the 'water man' to come to our table and for some reason, we were ignored but when a group of Mat Sallehs waved to him, he practically flew to serve them !!! What is this - so if your skin is white you get served first. If you are local, you are IGNORED. This waiter is a traitor to his own race, man !!! Trust me, there are many out there who are in the service industry who are like that too. That’s terribly rude and unacceptable behaviour. They should be ashamed of themselves. They forget that local tourists bring in money to Penang State as well too - besides bringing in more traffic during the festive season !!!

My guests and I had to wait around for a further twenty minutes before a humble looking but tired out 'aunty' came to take our orders from us - with a smile too. Now, THAT really made up for the stinky treatment of the waiter earlier on. For people like this aunty, they are the ones that help save Penang’s dented image here and there.

Syabas , Aunty !!

Tuesday, 4th March 2008

Ouch ! Oww !

2008-10-16T12:11:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it is hard to let go of something that is dear to us. We lose things. We try very hard to look for it. We even lose sleep over it. Simply because it is important to us. It holds a lot of meaning for us. I dread the word LOSS - it is such a heavy word. For someone to suffer loss, the pain is unimaginable. It’s not easy to face pain. It can cause exhaustion or even sickness. Sometimes the pain is just too much for a person to bear that an alternative solution seems most welcomed. If it is physical pain, painkillers will help. If it is emotional pain, nothing can actually help except maybe if time is merciful, it can help. Of course, total dependence on the Almighty comes as a challenge for those who can hang on long enough for that phase to pass; hang on long enough till God intervenes and of course, His alternatives are the best for us if we persevere.

We have to cling on to the hope that one day, we will be able to overcome the pain that crippled us. One day we will be able to walk upright with confidence again and be a cripple no more !!!

Pain, who are you ?

Friday, 28th March 2008

Obituary

2008-10-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

People have different ways of reading the newspapers. It’s really interesting if you can make a survey. Some start by reading the Sports section first. Some go for the Comics and Astrology section first. Some turn to the Stock Market news to start their day.

Me ? I start with the Obituary page first. Why ? Well, I find it very interesting and sometimes the words expressed in writings in honour of the departed ones are really beautiful.

I kind of find this very comforting :

"Death shall not be the end of us - Gone first to prepare the new home"..the deceased is of course, the father. True to his role, even at death, he thinks of his family.

Besides this, it is also interesting to note that some families of the deceased are ‘ muhibbah ‘ - meaning the family consists of many different race.

Ah, take notice of the caption - passed away peacefully and passed away suddenly..I heard that there are different ways of looking at it.

And also one gets to see if the deceased lived a long life - the oldest I ever came across was 101 years old. They even outlive their own children and grandchildren. Awesome. I don’t think I want to live that long…considering the high cost of living nowadays. Inflation. Bankrupt in no time !

I also like to look at the photographs which have got smiling and happy faces - not the photographs taken when one is applying for their identity card !!!!

Finally, this serves as a reminder for myself that whatever happens in life, these are lessons to be learned and every time we overcome each lesson, we should smile because, God smiles !!! Another thing is that as humans, we will never stop learning as long as we live...All the more we should smile !!!

Tuesday, 12th February 2008

Baby You Can Drive My Car

2008-10-16T11:54:00.001-07:00

Some drivers deserve to get a summons. Sometimes unlucky drivers get summons. I think there are some ‘chips’ out there who just want to fulfil their monthly quotas of summonses and of course, happily issuing summonses without using their God-given brains or common sense. And these unfair summonses somehow make you think why certain people don’t get summons for illegal parking and some people get summons for illegal parking. I like to play charades.

So this is how I will describe the scenario. :

On a certain day of the week, between a certain time close to or during lunch hour, you can find many cars parked illegally and sometimes to the extend of causing major traffic obstruction… and... do they get summonses ? Noooo…But when other people have their other days of doing their ‘religious’ obligations, and park illegally due to space constraints but not obstructing traffic, lo and behold.. you will see summonses flourishing on each windowscreen with neat handwriting - which indicates that ‘the chips’ are happily doing their job and how they enjoy doing it too! Can you beat this ? Sneaky, eh. Where is their sense of justice ? tsk ! tsk ! tsk !

Pak Lah,,, macam mana ?

Friday, 15th February 2008

Ayoyoooo !

2008-10-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

I work in an environment where I am constantly being surrounded by foreigners. In particular, the Mat Sallehs. That’s all right with me. I don’t have any problems with that. Some of them are nice.

But I do have problems when local people whom we know who are soooooo embarassed of their own race in the midst of the Mat Sallehs . So you can find them trying to talk to us locals with that ‘British’ accent or ‘American’ slang .. of course, we can’t stand the ‘lagak-ness, lah’ …What…you are Malaysian lah..speak properly and don’t be a copy cat! Be proud of your nationality and race, man !!! If you are a Chinese, don’t be shy that you are a Chinese. Show off your kungfu and lion dance skills. If you are an Indian, be happy and sing !!! If you are a Malay, joget and pantun with pride !

Why want to be a copy cat until it is so fake !!

Friday, 15th February 2008

First First

2008-10-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is my first time entering into a serious-looking blogging zone. I can see those frowns now but what the heck. It is for fun. So I am transferring whatever I wrote previously from another site to this blogdom. I am learning..I am learning! Let me find my footing on this unfamiliar ground. If this seems like travelling back in time then so it will be until I catch up with the present time.